The telling space
Sunday, January 08, 2006
I've started Stephen Covey's "The 8th Habit" in my latest attempt to find a way out of my general 'stuckness'. The lessons are much the same, of course, as you'll find in Robbins or McKenna. When it comes to change the important thing is to do and not just to read.
Covey suggests that as the best way to learn is to teach others, I shall be passing on some of the things he writes about to my children and here in the blog.
One thing of note in the first chapter of substance (Chapter 4) is the idea of the space that exists between stimulus and response. We are conditioned to believe that the two tend to be inextricably linked, an idea which, when examined carefully, has a real air of predetermination about it. Anyway, Covey's point is that it is in this space that we can make choices and it is these choices which lead us down the path of success or mediocrity. Mediocrity can be defined as following the cultural norms, of not making a difference.
With regards to this space, Covey writes:
I know from experience that I find it very easy to blame events from my childhood for many of the bad choices I have made and continue to make. More often than not I describe my actions (responses) as being unavoidable because they are directly linked to certain stimuli. In my heart I've always suspected this was me just acting the victim because in some ways it was easier than regaining control of my life. Of course, being intellectually aware of the vast chasm of illogicality that sweeps across the landscape of your world view is not the same as getting down there and examining its lower reaches. Instead, I simply close my eyes as I cross the few rickety bridges I've thrown across the ravine and pretend the two sides are joined.
Covey suggests that as the best way to learn is to teach others, I shall be passing on some of the things he writes about to my children and here in the blog.
One thing of note in the first chapter of substance (Chapter 4) is the idea of the space that exists between stimulus and response. We are conditioned to believe that the two tend to be inextricably linked, an idea which, when examined carefully, has a real air of predetermination about it. Anyway, Covey's point is that it is in this space that we can make choices and it is these choices which lead us down the path of success or mediocrity. Mediocrity can be defined as following the cultural norms, of not making a difference.
With regards to this space, Covey writes:
With many who have grown up with unconditional love in supporting circumstances, the space may be very large. With others, due to various genetic and environmental influences, it may be very small.No matter the size of the space, it still exists and it is using this space that we can make a choice between fulfilment or unenlightened misery. (I'm not sure Covey would put it quite this bluntly.)
I know from experience that I find it very easy to blame events from my childhood for many of the bad choices I have made and continue to make. More often than not I describe my actions (responses) as being unavoidable because they are directly linked to certain stimuli. In my heart I've always suspected this was me just acting the victim because in some ways it was easier than regaining control of my life. Of course, being intellectually aware of the vast chasm of illogicality that sweeps across the landscape of your world view is not the same as getting down there and examining its lower reaches. Instead, I simply close my eyes as I cross the few rickety bridges I've thrown across the ravine and pretend the two sides are joined.
